mixed feelings about retirement

Mixed Feelings About Retirement - It's a bit sad, as we say goodbye to colleagues and clients we've worked with for a decade and a half (me) and almost two decades (Mark).

When we're not working, we check items from our recent to-do list, decide which health insurance to buy from the stock exchange for next year, and review our math to solidify our plan strategies for next year. .

Mixed Feelings About Retirement

But as much as we've spent thinking and talking about this moment—at the end of our early retirement—and as many words as I've devoted to predicting how we'll feel when the time comes, my My best guess about this misfortune. He didn't quite get the feeling.

Are You Approaching Retirement With Mixed Feelings?

We know that we will be in an emotional soup, feeling many things, some of them conflicting. We know that we will feel busy and cannot do everything on time. (That's right. We won't. But that doesn't stop us from trying. Three more medical appointments this week!)

Answering We're curious, and the answer we give seems like a function of, "How someone approaching early retirement must feel." But it's definitely a player.

One of the best things I've learned going to therapy over the years is that we often feel more than one thing at once. This reaction may make me a little disappointed, looks like anger? Maybe it's not just anger. Perhaps a healthy dose of grief and pain is mixed in. And feeling excited about something exciting coming my way? The biggest part is almost certainly some fear and anxiety distribution. Emotions are rarely that simple or singular.

I'm grateful for this lesson all the time, but especially when I'm experiencing life's big moments. Thanks to therapy I've learned that reaching early retirement is not 100% happy, even though it represents many happy things: reaching a greater purpose in life, working on someone else's terms, and Finally able to get enough sleep, etc. I know that for many of the people I work with and whom I consider friends, there will be a sad farewell to the inevitable, perhaps a touch of disappointment wondering if I am not living my life to the fullest. Potentially, perhaps even a little anxiety about the question of whether we are doing the right thing.

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These feelings are all here, and I'm sure the grief will be intense when we have our goodbye parties in a few weeks.

So back to this question, we get the question: "How are you?!" This question is always asked by someone who is really curious, curious about us and maybe even a little jealous.

You want a pure answer. Like when someone casually asks how it's going, they just say "Fine" or "Fine!" are looking for Not a complete summary of your life's ups and downs.

"I'm happy, but honestly, I can't really focus on it right now because I feel a great sense of leaving behind my long career, the sadness of saying goodbye to colleagues I love, and trying to get Which. So many menu items before mid-December, all mixed in with a healthy dose of paradox about it all. In fact, the truth is that it's all so real that I'm kind of numb.

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I can understand that and still feel this weird pressure to do it in the moment, to tell them what they want to hear. Not just what they want to hear

This answer should look like this. A robotic and emotionless, "Yes. Very interested," is not the right answer. It's "again, with sense!" Shiba, he asks, a big smile, a hearty hand and a twinkle in his eye. This is all I can gather, but at a cost.

And this cost isn't just a little psychological task that I have to answer this question all the time. This is also the question he asks me:

I know I'm not doing it wrong, or at least it's not doing it wrong for me, but the weight of this question being asked over and over only adds to the ambiguity I feel at this late stage.

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A few months ago, I was confident that I could make it to the finish line, and pushed myself hard in both work and personal projects because it was only a few months.

But last month was a reality check, reminding me that I am still a human being bound by the laws of physics. Or maybe it's just because I need more sleep, and take better care of myself.

After years of frequent migraines, I've had two bad multi-day migraines in the past month, one of which interrupted a trip to visit family. And I felt worse overall, with more pain than I've had in a while.

. I can count the remaining working days on my fingers and toes.

Mixed Drinks About Feelings..

I came close to anticipating what the sensations would be like, but I was far from feeling my body. Physically, I feel like I'm going to collapse in early retirement, just as Mark and I often felt like we were collapsing during work on weekends. I knew I would need time to wake up, but I thought I would recover from the last 16, not the last 6 months.

The state of my physical health is forcing me to slow down on some things, take a break from social media (xoxo to my Twitter friends!), and put some things off for later, which I wish I could do now. . I feel bad about it, but I also agree that it is necessary.

Something I've realized in writing this blog and then seeing the comments in response to the posts is that it's easy to assume that I'm sharing here - a lot.

Things or decisions in harmony - is the totality of our experience. And that's not entirely true. I spend my whole life not thinking about every possible outcome, worrying about decisions and planning for contingencies. This is a small part of our lives, but it is the majority of what I write here.

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I'm a "think twice before I make a decision and never look back" person, and second-guessing myself isn't something I do very often. But writing posts that say "Remember that thing I spent 2,000 words talking about? I did what you said and it's great" gets boring quickly. So I write primarily about thought processes, where the main thought is, and not always happy results.

And so I know that talking about how we feel now is not pure, or vain happiness will seem to some as if I am unhappy, or as if I regret the decision to retire early. which And that's not really true. I'm happy and excited, and all these positive things - but I'm also tired, stressed, nervous, depressed, a little sleepless, and other feelings that are very complicated and contradictory at the same time.

But this is another version of my earlier processing of emotions. I feel all these things intensely now - especially the negative ones - because this moment of transition is approaching, and because (as a wise reader recently told me) we see many changes as losses. see So I am now looking at a very great loss, and it makes me feel, of all things, though it is a loss which I would willingly and bravely have signed up for.

However, I'm sure that once we get to the end of our last work day, I'll actually feel a little different, and a lot closer to the spread of positive emotions I'm hanging out with right now.

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As always eager to hear from you. Anyone else experiencing a strange mix of emotions, not all positive, as your due date approaches? Or have you experienced this in any major life transition? You know you will make me feel better if you share your story. ;-) Anyone else "Think big ahead even though it seems like overthinking and then proceed confidently without self-doubt" thinkers looking for consolation? Do you want permission to slow down a bit and take better care of yourself, despite the urge to poke your butt and call names? Happy to support! Lots to discuss today. Let's dive into it all in the comments!

This is my only post this week because of the holiday, and because I'm happy to take a little break. You can catch me on Wednesday for a new episode of Fairer Saints (Cara and I talk emotional labor with the author of a seminal piece on the topic this week). And I'll get back to you next Monday with a new post.

Sending out a big thank you to everyone reading this, whether you're celebrating Thanksgiving this week or not, for all your hard work.

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